Day 27: Admission

Hello, the internet is painfully slow, borderline unusable. So I apologize for being absent.

The title has a meaning (as usual.) This time it is an admission of guilt and flaws. So let's get to it! I am a homosexual male correct? Yes, mainly. I would say I am 90% gay and 10% straight. I like men sexually, romantically, and personality wise. As for women, I really only have a lust for them, this is my monkey brain neurons activating. The thing I lust for most is boobs, and I don't like it.

After years of a porn addiction, I have become perverse. The thing I look at women are the boobs, this is different from sexism. I have no problem with women in power or personality wise, it's just a lustful look. A lot of my best friends are women!

That is the issue I want to fix, I want to be less perverse and more respectful. Don't really know or have a plan for this, other than not watching porn..? Well, one thing I have been doing is watching content of women hosts, and de-sexualizing boobs. Breasts are really just an organ, society is the thing that sexualizes them. I am a victim of this notion.

I work with women and talk to them in real life, honestly, it isn't really a real life issue. I don't discriminate or look down at them in real life, it's mostly just online. You could argue that makes it less of a problem as the internet doesn't matter as much, but I disagree. I want my real life mannerisms to reflect my online-persona, to an extent at least.

I just feel guilty that the first thing I notice on a woman is the breast attraction, that isn't right or fair. I am really a believer in equality and progressiveness, yet here I am being part of the problem.

So yea, there is my admission of a fault I have. It does link into the over-arching jealousy and envy problem, but I want to separate the two. Self awareness and realizing the problem is the first step, I am working on it!

Here is to a bright future!

I got in trouble a few times at work, so I am rethinking my whole work philosophy. It's only been a day but I've been doing good! Spending less time on my phones, not falling asleep, being more responsible with sleep, etc. I guess this is a week of self improvement!

Nothing of note to really write down regarding today's happenings. I am finishing cleaning up the bathrooms and preparing for school to start, kind of excited. I like night shifts :^)

Uhhh, CIA bad government suck Trump bad kill facist. Yeah.

Goodbye!

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